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    Birth mother reconnects with biological son


    Dear Abby: When I was an unmarried 18-year-old, I had a child out of wedlock. Unsure that I could provide for him, I chose to place him for adoption so he would have a chance for a better life. This year, we connected through DNA. The reunion has been great, even though I choose to remain in the background because his mother is still living.

    Would it be appropriate this fall and winter to include him in my holiday festivities as long as it doesn’t interfere with the time he should be spending with his family? And, after his mother passes away, what role should I play in his life? His father is deceased, and he and his adopted brother are estranged.

     Bio Mom in Texas

    Dear Bio Mom: Your son should have told his adoptive mother about the reunion, regardless of who initiated it. I think it would be better for everyone if she was included. A way to do that would be to thank her for taking such good care of your son and helping him to become the man he is today. I do not think secrecy is healthy. If it backfires, there will be deeply hurt feelings because of the subterfuge. At this point in your son’s life it’s too late for you to be his mommy. However, you CAN be a good friend, since his only family now is the woman who loved and raised him.

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